My Little Me is dancing a happy dance
My inner child is finally free .. but how did she get out ?
Many years ago when children were told to be seen and not heard my little me learnt that to be silent was the best way forward. This subconscious belief was further reinforced by the reaction she encountered from the adults in her world when she attempted to correct a mistake they had made about her…..
It was a warm summer’s afternoon and Little Me was playing on her swing in the back garden on no 27. Her trusty companion Timmy, a Heinz variety of a dog who had followed her mother home some months ago was lying a safe distance away from her, with his head resting on his front paws. Every now and again he would open an eye to check on his charge who was oblivious of his actions. Tiring of the swing she let it slow, dragging her brown leather school sandals on the ground below to quicken the process.
Having spied her red plastic watering can lying in the nearby flowerbed she decided to water the nasturtiums in her own mini flower bed at the very bottom of the garden beyond the lawn and dividing hedge, out of sight from the house. She filled the can from the outdoor tap and walked quickly spilling drops down her summer dress as she went. On rounding the hedge she saw something was wrong - the bird scarer in the form of a wooden girl wearing a painted blue and white polka dot dress and holding a yellow watering can, had been knocked down. She usually stood, with her metal spike in the soil, in the middle of a small patch of earth which LIttle Me’s mother had designated as her very own garden. Little Me loved to tend it with the gardening set she’d received on her birthday and was thrilled to have grown a selection of bright flowers from the seed packets her grandmother had given her. Today though the painted girl was face down in the dry soil and her yellow watering can lay broken off beside her. What could have happened Little Me had wondered lifting her gently and attempting in vain to reattach the can? Tears began to form and trickle down her young cheeks as she left her own plastic watering can in the grass and ran back toward the terrace steps holding the broken pieces in her hands. She was sure her mother would be able to put the painted girl back together and make everything right again.
What she hadn’t anticipated was the angry reaction she received. She was accused of breaking the wooden scarecrow and nothing Little Me tried to say in her defence was heard. She was sent to her room, the blackout blinds pulled down and the door shut with an instruction to stay there without any tea.
She cried and cried until there were no more tears to squeeze out. She lay on the bed and cuddled her teddy for comfort. She tried to sleep and maybe she did drop off for awhile. The next sound she heard was footsteps coming up the stairs and along the landing towards her room. Her little body stiffened with fear. Was this her mother returning to deliver further punishment she wondered.
To her surprise and relief it was her father who immediately opened the blind telling her that there had been a mistake and he had accidentally run into the painted lady with the lawn mower and broken her. He had meant to go back to collect the pieces to mend but had forgotten. He was sorry Little Me hadn’t been listened to or believed. She was innocent and able to return to the kitchen for her tea. Although her mother apologised for her mistake and hugged her, Little Me was scarred by this first incident of false accusation by someone she thought was on her side. She was to be falsely accused of whistling in class by her teacher a few months later and again of cheating in a test. Each time she withdrew a little further.
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One day many, many years later she finally found her voice and was able to get the attention of the older woman I had become by this time. Little Me was finally able to speak and tell me how she felt .. all those years ago..
This unexpected and surreal encounter had a profound impact on me. It has changed a part of my personality that had troubled me throughout my life to that point.
It was so transformative that I decided to write about it .. and three days ago, on Wednesday 10th April I published Finding Little Me - learning to ❤️and live with my inner child.
Little Me was having a field day throughout the launch day activities and wouldn’t let me sleep until I had put the word out at midnight on the Tuesday evening.
She is now totally validated, accepted, heard and loved and we are now integrated and at peace with one another.
Would you like to read her story.?
It’s only a short one but it’s pages are full of love and magic, in terms of finding the elusive key to changing a behavioural pattern that had caused me much heartache through the years.
Well done, Carolyn! Great idea to publish a kindle version of your story as well as a Substack article!